The Dish
Close your eyes and imagine a spoonful of garlicky mashed potatoes. The first bite hits you with a wave of fragrant garlic, followed by a luxurious, silky mouthfeel that only real cream can deliver. Now imagine a second spoonful. The garlic is there, but it's muted, almost apologetic. The texture is slick, coating your tongue with a thin, oily film that lingers. This is the difference between real double cream and its imposter—a difference you can taste, feel, and even see.
In a recent blind taste test, two home cooks were challenged to identify the fake in a series of dishes. The first round featured mashed potatoes made with either a rich, Jersey double cream or a product called Elmlea, which markets itself as a cream alternative. The results were immediate and telling. The real cream carried the garlic flavor with a fatty richness that made it sing. The imposter? It fell flat. This isn't just about preference; it's about understanding what you're actually eating and why it matters.
The Technique
The test was simple but revealing: two dishes prepared identically, with only one ingredient swapped. The blindfolded tasters had to pick the imposter. In round one, the potatoes made with real cream (A) were noticeably more aromatic and flavorful. The tasters noted that the potatoes felt different—A had a more cohesive, creamy texture, while B (the fake) felt looser and had a weird aftertaste. The secret? Fat carries flavor. Real cream is about 48% milk fat, which binds to and amplifies fat-soluble compounds like those in garlic. Elmlea, on the other hand, is 61% buttermilk (the watery leftover from butter-making) mixed with vegetable oil and emulsifiers. It has far less fat and a different chemical structure, so it can't carry flavors the same way.
Round two upped the ante with feta cheese. The tasters were given a Greek-style salad on toast and had to identify which cheese was the imposter. One taster described the real feta (B) as "farmier" with a "taste of grass"—that's the pasture-fed sheep and goat milk coming through. The fake (A) was milder, creamier, and slightly rubbery. The technique for spotting the difference? Look at the texture. Real feta is crumbly yet creamy, with a proper bite that melts on the tongue. The fake sticks to your teeth and feels more like a processed block. And the milk source is everything: real feta must be at least 70% sheep milk (often with goat), while Greek-style salad cheese is 100% cow's milk.
Round three tackled ham and cheese pasties. The tasters struggled more here, but the imposter was eventually identified. The fake ham was a reformed meat product—essentially, meat trimmings bound together with water, salt, and phosphates to mimic the texture of whole muscle ham. The real ham had a more distinct, meaty bite and a natural pink color. The technique to spot it? Look at the grain. Real ham has visible muscle fibers that pull apart. Reformed ham is smooth and uniform, like a meaty hot dog.
Ingredients & Substitutions
The key ingredients here are cream, feta, and ham. For cream, nothing beats the real thing. Longley Farm Jersey Extra Rich Double Cream is a gold standard—pasteurized, not homogenized, with a fat content of 48% or higher. It's rich, sweet, and has a slight farmy tang. If you're dairy-free, full-fat coconut cream is a better substitute than Elmlea, as it has a similar fat structure and carries flavors well. For a lighter option, use crème fraîche, which has a higher fat content than sour cream and won't curdle in hot dishes.
For feta, look for PDO (Protected Designation of Origin) status on the label. This guarantees it's made in Greece from sheep or sheep/goat milk. The real stuff is saltier, tangier, and more crumbly. If you're on a budget, Greek-style salad cheese is fine for melting or blending into sauces, but it won't give you that authentic funk. For a vegan alternative, try a firm, aged cashew cheese that's been brined—it won't crumble the same way, but it can mimic the saltiness.
For ham, always check the label. Real ham should list "ham" or "pork leg" as the first ingredient, with no more than a few added ingredients like salt and sugar. Reformed ham will list "pork" (not specific cut), water, and a list of binders and preservatives. If you're avoiding processed meats, roast your own ham or use thick-cut, uncured ham from a butcher.
Common Mistakes
The biggest mistake home cooks make is assuming all "cream" is created equal. Elmlea is not cream—it's a blend of buttermilk and oil. It won't whip to stiff peaks, it won't enrich sauces the same way, and it won't give you that glossy, luscious finish. If you try to use it in a recipe that relies on the fat content of cream (like a ganache or a butter sauce), it will separate or fail to emulsify.
Another common error is buying "feta" without checking the label. Many supermarkets sell "Greek-style salad cheese" in the same section, but it's a completely different product. It's milder, creamier, and often rubbery. If you're making a Greek salad or a baked feta pasta, the real stuff will give you that briny, tangy kick that makes the dish sing. The fake will just be... there.
Finally, don't assume all ham is the same. Reformed ham is often sold as "cooked ham" or "ham slices" and is cheaper, but it's also waterlogged and lacks flavor. If you're making a sandwich or a pasty, the texture difference is huge. Real ham has a firm, meaty bite; reformed ham is soft and almost spongy.
Pro Tips
Here's a restaurant secret: when making mashed potatoes, use warm cream, not cold. Cold cream can seize the butter and make the potatoes gluey. Also, add the cream in stages—first a splash to loosen the potatoes, then more to achieve the desired consistency. And always season with salt and white pepper (not black, which leaves specks).
For feta, if you want to intensify its flavor, marinate it in olive oil, oregano, and lemon zest for an hour before serving. This softens the texture and infuses it with aromatics. It's a game-changer for salads and pastas.
For ham, if you're using real ham in a dish that will be reheated (like a pasty), slice it thickly—at least 1/4 inch. Thin slices can dry out and become tough. And don't overcook it; ham is already cooked, so you're just warming it through.
The Verdict
This blind taste test is a brilliant reminder that not all foods are what they seem. The fake cream, feta, and ham all have their place—they're cheaper, more shelf-stable, and more accessible. But if you're cooking for flavor, texture, and authenticity, the real deal is worth the extra cost. The difficulty level is low (it's just tasting), but the wow factor is high when you realize how much difference one ingredient can make. I recommend trying this test at home with friends—it's fun, educational, and might just change how you shop for groceries. For the best results, always read labels, know your ingredients, and trust your palate.
